


Control Yourself

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Shadowhunters Re-Watch Fics! Codas, Scene Fills, etc. [10]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Developing Friendships, Episode: s01e10 This World Inverted, Gen, Introspection, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 12:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30139338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: After hitting a wall with Simon's training, Raphael thinks he's found a way through to him after an unexpected break.
Relationships: Lily Chen & Raphael Santiago, Simon Lewis & Raphael Santiago
Series: Shadowhunters Re-Watch Fics! Codas, Scene Fills, etc. [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108703
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Control Yourself

“Again,” Raphael orders. 

“This is not how I imagined vampire training,” Simon says, clearly frustrated. 

Simon isn’t the only one. Raphael stands across from him, holding on tightly to an encanto-ed mundane. They’ve been at this for a while, long enough that Raphael’s beginning to grow weary, which only heightens his usual level of snark. 

And since he’s tired and more than a little annoyed by Simon’s lack of appreciation, Raphael decides to have a bit of fun by messing with Simon. Just a little. 

“What did you think, we’d be playing baseball?” Raphael asks, causing Simon to do a very dramatic double-take. 

“Was that what I think it was? Was that a _Twilight_ reference?” Simon manages to spit out. 

Raphael stares at him blankly, his features carefully schooled into the same serious expression he’s had from the start of this very long day. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Raphael deadpans, making sure not to grin at the sight of Simon struggling to figure out if he’s lying or not. Simon being entirely unable to read him is one of the few joys Raphael has at the moment and he’s not about to give it up so soon. 

“Now stop stalling. Again,” Raphael repeats. 

This time Simon takes one step, then two, then a third hesitant step toward Raphael and the mundane. Simon makes it about a foot away before stopping and looking away. Raphael watches Simon take several unnecessary deep breaths, nothing the slight tremor to the fledgling’s hands. Raphael watches Simon carefully, since this is as far as they’ve successfully gotten each previous attempt. 

They remain in this tense stand-off for a full minute before Raphael takes out his pocket knife and makes the smallest cut into the mundane’s shoulder, watching the blood spring up to the surface and--

“Simon!” Raphael shouts, barely managing to pull the mundane out of the way before Simon descends on him. This time Simon can’t - or maybe won’t - pull himself away. Simon lunges again, at Raphael this time, trying to get the older vampire to stop standing between him and the human. He’s no match for Raphael, of course, but up until now Simon would at least back off in shame after caving and trying to attack the mundane. This is the first time Simon tried _again_. 

Somehow, Simon’s reactions are starting to get _worse_ instead of better. Wonderful. 

“Go home,” Raphael orders the mundane, who leaves the room at a sprint the second he’s allowed. Raphael gets a firm grip on Simon and holds the fledgling back until he can sense that the mundane is out of the Dumort. Then, without releasing his grip on Simon’s wrist, drags him over to the blood bags in the corner of the room, not letting go until Simon has one in his free hand. 

They’re silent until Simon finishes drinking his way through two of the bags, the bloodlust fading from his eyes, his teeth able to retract again upon command. 

“Go take a walk, Simon,” Raphael says, bringing his hand up to his forehead in exasperation. Obviously what he’s doing now isn’t working. He needs to figure something else out. 

\---

Once Simon leaves, Lily comes to see him. 

“He’s hopeless,” Lily says, leaning against the doorframe and crossing her arms over her chest. 

“He isn’t,” Raphael insists. 

“Why not just let the Shadowhunters have him?” Lily asks. “It’d be easier.” 

“What’s right isn’t always what’s easiest. In fact, I’ve found it’s the most difficult path more often than not,” he points out. 

Lily frowns at first, then her eyes widen a bit as his words sink in. “You know you’re not responsible for what happened to him-” she starts to reassure him, but Raphael cuts her off. 

“I am,” he says. “We both know it. And since it’s my fault he’s in this position in the first place, the least I can do is make sure he can take care of himself.”

The guilt that Raphael feels over his role in the events leading to Simon’s turning runs much deeper than he’ll even admit to Lily, though he gets the feeling she has a pretty good idea anyway. She knows him well enough to know that if this were any other fledgling under any other circumstances Raphael would’ve pawned them off on someone else to deal with long ago. 

“Sure you don’t want me to take over?” Lily offers. 

Raphael shakes his head. “I’ve got this one. Simon’s my responsibility.” 

\---

He’ll never admit it, but Raphael is starting to grow worried about Simon’s absence. He expected Simon to take a walk around the block, or maybe wander the city a bit, but he’s been gone for much longer than anticipated. Simon fed before he left, he should be fine… but that ‘ _should’_ leaves enough doubt that Raphael considers sending some of the others out to search for him. 

He’s about to have Lily help him track Simon down when the fledgling finally returns, with quite a tale of everything that happened after he left Raphael earlier. 

Werewolves. Simon, who just spent hours losing control of his ability around just Raphael and a single mundane, decided to walk himself directly into a _werewolf den_. In Raphael’s mind, that’s even worse than going home to his family. _And_ he attacked a police officer… but didn’t kill him. In fact, if Simon’s story is to be believed, Simon ended up in the same room as that detective for a prolonged period of time without attacking him again, all for the sake of Lucian Graymark. 

Which is… interesting. 

“You’re going to kill me now, aren’t you? Or lock me up in that cage again,” Simon sighs. 

While both options are tempting, Raphael shakes his head after a moment of consideration. 

“You know, Simon,” Raphael says slowly, a small smile on his face as a few realizations hit him all at once. “I don’t think I am.” Raphael pauses there to take in Simon’s look of immediate relief. “I think you accidentally gave me exactly what I needed to know to get past our hold-up in your training.” 

“I did?” Simon asks, face scrunching up as he tries to think back to everything he said and what part of it might actually be beneficial. Raphael has a brief moment of finding the expression surprisingly adorable before quickly ignoring it and re-focusing his thoughts. 

Simon _is_ capable of controlling himself - when he has the right motivation. The motivation of the people he cares about - people like Luke, and Clary, and maybe even his family. The people Raphael instinctively tried to keep Simon away from might actually be the key to easing him into controlling himself. 

With Raphael’s guidance, of course. 

“Come on, Simon. We have training to get back to.” 

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


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